What topic could I possibly have to write about that I feel the need for this particular vernacular you may be wondering? How about bad drivers? Yeah, now I’m guessing you’re on the same page as me. And if you’re not, I bow down to you because you must be a saint.
On my way home from work today I had to stop at a store that is located in one of those strip malls; lots of small shops, a few restaurants and limited parking. Today, however, there were plenty of open parking spaces. As I was turning into said area there was a car in front of me that was moving at a snail’s pace, perhaps slower. This car was going so slow it was almost going backwards.
Anyhoo she, the driver of the car in front of me, turned in leaving enough room for me to follow her before she practically stopped, leaving two vehicles trailing behind me that were left on the street. I waited patiently…….for about 30 seconds, then I hit my horn with two sharp, quick BEEP BEEPS. “Pick a spot Asswipe! Look there’s one there, and there, and there. Make a decision and execute it!” all the while my arms are flaying in the air.
As she slooooowly pulled into a spot I zipped around her and parked. Now it just so happened that she went into the same store that I did and the whole time we were there she made a point of glaring at me. “What-the-fuck-ever, chick. Go ahead and say something to me. I dare you. No, I double dog dare you; then wait and see what my response will be.” Seriously, do some people not realize that when you’re driving you are supposed to pay the fuck attention? And your full attention. There are people out there that drive like shit and have never been in an accident, but have never looked in the rearview mirror to see how many they’ve caused.
So turning the corner into my subdivision I decided I needed to
WTF is wrong with you?
You drive like a fuckin’ pro, dude
Dick Wad (Okay, that’s me)
Learn to drive asshole
Hey Dumbass, move it
Good job, Dick head!
Smooth move, Ex-lax (again me)
Where the fuck did you learn to drive?!?
Move over asshole
This dick musta got his license in a cracker jack box.
Move over…better yet, catch a ride on the short bus (yet, again, me)
Get off the fuckin road!
Heinz Ketchup…It’s worth the wait…but you’re not
Rules of the Road…Learn them; apply them
So, what I want is for you to comment with what you’ve blurted out. What are your favorites? And please, don’t be shy…and don’t censor.