Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Kids Say...

As Bill Cosby said, “Kids say the darnedest things.” Some of their rationalizations make sense, some don’t and others you have no idea where they came from…

The story relayed by my mother is that when I was four I asked her where ladies got their money from. She told me it was usually from their husband. My response? “So, if you have lots of husbands then you’ll have lots of money.”

My parents tried to breed one of our collies’ years ago. When our dog came back from the breeder my mom told us it didn’t take, Bonnie would not be having puppies. My younger brother told her they didn’t do it right. When she asked him ‘what’ they didn’t do right, he answered, “I don’t know. But they didn’t do it right.”

I had my son in the ladies room at a restaurant when he was about three. I brought him into the only open stall with me. As I was ‘going’ he apparently figured it was just the right time to ask me, “Why does your pee-pee come out of your hair?” I decided not to answer him right then and there and hurriedly pulled up my pants. Just then the woman in the stall next to us had a rather loud gastric explosion. My first reaction was to cup my hand over my son’s mouth, afraid of what would come out next.

When my fraughter was small I would tell her to ‘behave’. I guess to her it meant the same as saying ‘be good’, because her response to ‘behave’ was, “I am being haven’.”

Talking to my friend the other day, she relayed that her niece had asked her grandmother about the varicose veins on the back of her legs. “Grandma, why are your legs cracked?”

My Fraughter’s birthday was a month ago. As she and her family were about to eat dinner, my grandson wanted to say a prayer. He bowed his head and thanked the Lord for their food and it being his mom’s birthday. They resounded with an amen and commenced to eat. At this point my three year old granddaughter said she had a prayer too. They once again bowed heads in order to hear, “I am not a strawberry.” Huh? Yeah, she’s three.

A few years prior to this when my grandson was about the same age, he was into the movie ‘Peter Pan’. He watched it over and over as children are apt to do. After an estimated thirty viewings my Fraughter heard a ‘Thud’ come from his bedroom followed by a cry. Racing into his room she found him on the floor. Apparently he had jumped off his bed in order to ‘fly’. He wasn’t crying so much because he was hurt; rather it was his disappointment to learn he could not fly, even though he said he had been thinking happy thoughts.

What humorous things have you heard out of the mouths of babes?

15 comments:

CK said...

I always associated Art Linkletter with that saying, so I did a little search and discovered that Bill Cosby wasn't involved until the late 1990's. Good to know my old memories are still good memories.

cuz'n carol said...

HaHa! Jake always did the "behave" thing too. He would say "I am being have!" The funniest thing he ever did was when we lived in our house in downtown Naperville. He wasn't even 2 years old yet, and Jim had lit the grill for some dinner. Jake is standing in the back doorway looking out at the grill, clad only in his diaper, screaming "HOT FUCK-A HOT FUCK-A!!!" Apparently he couldn't say "fire" quite right yet. I'm sure the neighbors thought we were a little odd!!!

Oh, by the way, I LOVED Bonnie!!! I remember laying there outside your door, usually with some small kitten napping on her back in her warm fur. She was the BEST DOG!!!

Fraughter said...

The other day I woke up and started to make my kids breakfast. My son came in the kitchen, took one look at me and said
"Hey, the bride of Frankenstein called, she wants her hair back"
It was pretty funny!

Selma said...

My son Nick always commented on parts of the anatomy as a little one. He happened to see his Dad in the shower one day and likened his you-know-what to a sweet potato. The running joke in our house ever since has been :'Is that a sweet potato in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?'

Pleasant Drive said...

When I was little I had a little keyboard. I told my grandfather that I was playing the song, "Silent Night", to which he replied, "It sure doesn't sound like 'Silent Night'." Then I replied, "That's because I'm playing it in Spanish."

Badass Geek said...

I haven't heard anything funny from children recently. I don't know any children to ask.

I will comment, though, that calling a fart a "gastric explosion" is quite possibly the most politically correct term I've heard since "flatulence". Awesome.

Eva said...

Thank you for that hilarious post! I heard a story about my niece from when she was four. Her mom became pregnant with her at the tender age of 15 and didn't marry the father until she turned 18. My niece is a precocious little thing, and one day pondered this fact a bit. She said, "Mommy, what did I call Daddy before you guys got married? Did I call him Bill?"

Megan said...

haha I love the response to your mother about money. My mind has completely drawn a blank on anything funny that I have said, or anyone's children has said to me. How horrible is that? All I can think about is graphs. Eh, I need a break, at least it's somewhat close to 5!

Michael C said...

These were great!
My youngest twin described the pool the other day as too freakin' cold. When the twins were awoken for their first day of school Monday, my oldest twin pointed out that she shouldn't have to get up when Daddy was still sleep. I was instructed to get wake immediately after that.

The Pink Potpourri said...

that was hilarious! i greatly enjoyed your post. i loved that show taht bill cosby hosted with the kids. it was so funny!!!

Richard Whackman said...

The answer to your question is more than I can keep track of. Mine are 7 and 9. I actually write some of them down and will one day have a book length accounting of them.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I love it when they repeat what I say. Just hearing a grown-up phrase (nothing with bad words, mind you) with those little voices is just too much!

Let's see. Miss-Miss can't say truck. She says "fruck." Yeah, that makes you turn your head and go, WHAT?!? And one night during baths, while Bubba was standing, she reached over and whacked his penis, making it sway. Then looked down at herself so forlornly. Hee hee!

Let's see.. what has Bubba said. Anything he says is funny because he pronounces everything a little off. Bug is gug. Sandwich is handwich. Car is tar. It's just too sweet.

And J-man's bedroom is decorated with dragons. So? His first word was "ba-goon." :)

meleah rebeccah said...

"“Why does your pee-pee come out of your hair?”

THAT IS BEYOND FUNNY. Ha ha ha ha ha

Thank you for giving me that belly laugh.

LceeL said...

5 year old Markie said to me, "I like your Grannie(He was referring to my Mom). She's funny." "How's that, Markie?" "She poots when she walks."

Lola said...

My son when he went to the bathroom during his kindergarten orientation came out into the room full of kids and parents and announced with a big grin, "Mom, peeps is up!"

To make it all worse, my friend and I cracked up and couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the orientation.