Thursday, October 9, 2008

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

I’m not a fan of posts that consist of copied and pasted old emails being circulated over and over again, but this is a new one to me and I just wanted to share a laugh. Forgive me if you’ve already read this.

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends; that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road... ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

SARAH PALIN:
BECAUSE, PRAISE JESUS, I WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS SORRY LIBERAL ASS OFF FOR BLOCKING MY VIEW OF RUSSIA!

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We ju st want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR . PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing a road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

Bwahaha…

Oh, and by the way, Megan of Wandering DC is giving away a Target gift card. Check it out here.

15 comments:

Lavinia said...

I hadn't seen this before. This is hysterical! And I'm not even American. Came here by way of Skeeter at atomic zebra.

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely hilarious. My favourite is Ernest Hemingway's answer. Always the misery guts!

Lola said...

Hehehe! Too funny. I like all of them.

Anonymous said...

Being someone that cannot STAND Oprah, "I'm going to give the chicken a car" cracked me up the most!

Badass Geek said...

All I can picture is Bill Clinton standing at a podium during a press conference, gesticulating with one hand while saying "I did not cross the road with that chicken."

Hilarious.

Sue said...

These were hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud! These are great! I hadn't seen it, so thanks for posting it...

Heather said...

hehe....Falwell...hehe
That was awesome.

Unknown said...

There is somebody out there, with a warped and fertile mind, with WAAAAYYYY too much time on their hands. Thank goodness.

That was hilarious.

Lisa said...

Yes, I have seen that one, and it is funny. Still funny, and sadly some of it rings true.

Megan said...

So So SO funny. I am proud to say I went to Liberty, which is Jerry Falwell's (rip) school. So funny that he is on the list with all the others.

Weeksie50 said...

I haven't seen it before..lol.

But really, Why did the chicken cross the road?

Unknown said...

This is hilarious! I should post it too. I need some new posts. I have been so gloomy and sad lately.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Oh, that is just too much. :)

Anonymous said...

These are sofa king funny I cant even stand it....