I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather of late. It started a few days before I went down to Florida for the big Halloween Bash. I think the warm weather there and the large quantities of alcohol I consumed held it off for a bit. Alcohol is known as a killer of germs, you know.
Anyway, since I’ve been back I have basically been feeling like crap. Though I have been suffering from headaches, body aches, and fatigue; I have other symptoms which make me believe this is an offshoot of the H1N1 virus. A new strain, if you will.
You see, even though I have felt like I have had a fever at times, my temperature remains a steady 98.6. Now as much as I am aware that a fever is not a prerequisite for diagnosing the aforementioned virus, I have been experiencing symptoms that are not on the list; symptoms that do not put young children or pregnant women…or even a pregnant man at risk.
The symptoms I speak of are night sweats and hot flashes…and lots of them. Now I do not work for the CDC, but heed my warning. To all women of ‘a certain age’; there is a new strain of the H1N1 virus, formerly called the Swine Flu, and I am hereby naming it the Ms Piggy Flu.
If you too are suffering from these symptoms you may want to warn those you care about to forego the hand sanitizer and perhaps just stay the fuck away from you until it’s over. If that is not an option they may want to man themselves with fans blowing in your general direction; or if money is not an object hire a cute cabana boy to wave palm fronds over you as needed.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” ~ Miss Piggy