Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Club...

Q: When is it okay to admit to your adult son that you really don’t like his girlfriend?

A: When she is no longer his girlfriend.


My son dated a loser girl for two years and I couldn’t make myself like or trust her. Neither could my husband or daughter. We tried, we really did, especially while she lived with us for almost a year.

I couldn’t tell my son my true feelings while he was dating her, and briefly engaged to her, because what if? What if they had gotten married and she became part of our family? What if they ended up having children together? No, I couldn’t broach the subject at the time.

My mother despised my ex-husband but she bit her tongue. Had she voiced her opinion it would have just put a strain on our relationship and she knew it wasn’t worth it, just as I knew it would have affected my relationship with my son had I spoken up. After their breakup a year ago, we came clean with him, and it’s all good; mainly because he had the same concerns about her that we did.

He has since found love with “M”, a friend of his ex’s. “M” no longer associates with the ex as, she too, saw her for what she was. We all adore his new gal and couldn’t find one flaw with her if we tried.

The funny thing is that I met my husband through an ex-boyfriend that I had after my divorce…and my daughter’s husband was a friend of her ex-boyfriend. We’ve now informed my son that he is a member of ‘The Club’, the club where its members have found their soul mate through an ex.

Have you ever had to bite your tongue when it comes to the significant nother other of someone you care about?

AND

Do any of you have affiliations with ‘The Club’?

13 comments:

Bama Cheryl said...

Oh YES!!!! Our daughter dated (and was eventually engaged) to a guy we now call Butthead. He was an emotional abuser but we didn't know that at the time. My husband's guy-to-guy radar was pegged with this guy and he lived with us for a summer. Grrrrr. It was living hell. Finally our daughter Erin (www.the-looney-bin.blogspot.com), living near Philadelphia, gave us and we went to rescue her one fateful December day in 1999. Horrible. We had kept our tongues and it all worked out but it was a terrible episode. Glad your son survived. Sadly, we're not directly members of the Club.

Badass Geek said...

I'm not a member of The Club, but I do wish that my family had spoken up about a certain girl I had dated before I let her trample over me.

Kim's Korner said...

Nope, not a club member. I tihnk I'd actually have to start DATING to get into that club LOL.

Having said that, I DID 'get together' with one of the EX's best friends after we first split up.

And ... another one of his friends recently split with his wife, and called me LOL.

So, no, not a 'member', just a preferred guest every now and then ;-)

Cat said...

My brothers wife - now ex wife - it was difficult she was difficult it made me difficult - but now that she is the ex - it seems do-able, even with the nephews it is all very do-able now... strange... I fear that my boys pick girls I will not be able to reach - how hard that will be, because well keeping my mouth shut is so hard for me!

Mental P Mama said...

You are one smart mama! The Universe works in mysterious ways, doesn't it?

Heather said...

Sort of a club member. My husband was my ex-husband's best man at our wedding, but I didn't meet him through my ex. I actually met my ex through my current husband, I just married the wrong one first.

LceeL said...

I'm not a member of the club - But I think it's pretty cool that all of you guys are.

Moonspun said...

Not a club member. BUT I have one beloved cousin who has had a boyfriend/partner for more than 11 years. NO one in the family gets the relationship. But we've long ago backed off and let it be. He's antisocial, so we don't see him alot at family events.

Selma said...

Well, as you know I've had to keep my mouth shut for the past 18 months about my deadbeat brother in law. Nightmare.

I'm not a member of The Club myself but it has worked out that way for several of my friends. Really successfully too.

meleah rebeccah said...

"Have you ever had to bite your tongue when it comes to the significant other of someone you care about?"

Yes. One of my sister-in-laws. However, after 7 years, I think I am finally getting used to her.

Lola said...

Yes and yes. If "biting your tongue" meant literally biting your tongue, I'd have no tongue left!

Oh, and I was right every stinking time, and every bad thing I saw coming came. I can spot trouble within ten minutes. Really, it's two minutes, but I don't want to rush to judgment ;)

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I'm not affiliated with The Club, but my mom had to bite her tongue over one of my boyfriends. And it just about killed her. :)

~Gretchen said...

I'm a member! Met my husband of 18 years by hooking up as 1) a blind date and 2) said blind date set up through my ex.

I was hesitant - didn't know if it was for real or to get back at me.