Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I Took the Challenge...

July 7, 2009


Dannon Consumer Response Center
P.O. Box 90296
Allentown, PA 18109-0296


To whom it may concern,

Upon hearing the testimony of Jamie Lee Curtis and the wonders of Activia I thought I’d take you up on your challenge. Sure, there are other brands out there containing probiotic cultures, but Activia is the only one with its own fancy schmacy term, namely ‘Bifidus Regularis’.

Your claim was that if I included Activia in my daily diet it would help regulate my digestive system by helping to reduce long intestinal transit time and it is a delicious way to do something good for my body.

It’s been two weeks and I must concur that your product is in fact delicious, vanilla being my favorite flavor. I can also vouch that it does decrease intestinal transit time by leaps and bounds. The part about being regular is where I have concerns. What exactly is your definition of ‘regular’, because if it means every half hour then I can definitely give it a thumbs up.

Your website stated that if I didn’t feel the difference my money would be refunded, up to $12.00. Well, I can’t deny that I don’t ‘feel’ it. I’ve been ‘feeling’ it for the past few days. Therefore I am not writing to ask for a refund, or even for any coupons for your product. What would be nice is a free tube of Preparation H and some Quilted Northern Ultra Plush bath tissue. Oh wait, they have a ’challenge’ too!

Signed,

Fire in the Hole

19 comments:

Organic Meatbag said...

Brilliant writing, my friend....I honestly hope you really sent that to Dannon, because this deserves a response...hahaha!

Mental P Mama said...

LOL. I think you have some company in your complaint;)

Lola said...

Hehehe! All I can say is Fibercon, two horse pills twice a day.

Selma said...

Oh no. So funny, but YOWCH. What is in that stuff?

Gin said...

You are insane! I love it!!!

LceeL said...

I would say TMI TMI TMI if it wasn't for the fact that I can't stop laughing.

Badass Geek said...

Yikes.

Cat said...

fire in the hole!!! lol!!!

Immoral Matriarch said...

LMFAO - Did you really send this in?!

Gledwood said...

Oh dear me so you have the Activia Challenge out there as well... I thought it was a French thing, because after the reformed topless model Nell McAndrew flips a coin into her pocket at the end of the glossy commercials a choir of sessions voices exclaims: "Ooooh Danone!" ~ Danone being the French multinational yougurt-making conglomerate who own the Activia brand...

Gledwood said...

OK so I just saw Jamie Lee Curtis blabbering on about it... but could't help but noticing the multinational's changed it's spelling (for a different American "flavor"?) to DANNON at your end... hmmm. yeah...

Moonspun said...

Oh no!I love Jamie Lee...but not a company that makes up a name for something good. Although it tastes good, I like the vanilla, too. But I've never committed for the two full weeks!

Wine and Words said...

Fire in the hole? OMG I am slobbering with laughter here. Go get 'em Lisa!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

BWHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! That's just too awesome. You had better send that puppy!

bernthis said...

You MUST send this to them or did you already? fucking hilarious and thanks for the heads up BTW

Reinvent Dad said...

Absolutely hilarious..yeah, what the hell does "regular" mean anyway? Send it, send it...I'd love to hear the response.

meleah rebeccah said...

What a great letter! And absolutely hilarious. My favorite sentence was:

"What exactly is your definition of ‘regular’, because if it means every half hour then I can definitely give it a thumbs up."

Ahahahhahahahahaha

G. said...

hilarious.

Kim's Korner said...

LMAO!!! I KNEW there was a good reason I didn't like yoghurt! Who needs a fire in their hole?!?!?!

And yes, SEND IT!