Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Franks and Beans and Other Bathroom Mishapps...

Do you remember the part in the movie ‘There's Something About Mary’, where Ben Stiller's character gets his privates stuck in his zipper? (I know, the guys reading this are cringing right now). He's at Mary's house and her stepfather is standing outside the bathroom door asking, "Is it the frank or the beans?", while Mary's mentally retarded brother is yelling, "Franks-n-Beans! Franks-n-Beans!"

Okay, if you didn't see the movie, you get the picture. Anyhoo, a few years back a friend of my son had this happen to him. He actually required stitches. The kicker? It was the second time he had done this.

I myself had a bathroom mishap when we were on vacation last year. I was using a curling iron when it slipped from my hand. It briefly skimmed my upper eyelid and burned it. I walked around Gatlinburg with a nice scab. (Please note: Applying brown eye shadow will only make it look worse.) This incident reminded me of the time a friend of mine had a similar occurrence; similar in that a curling iron was involved. Also similar in that it slipped and she burned herself. Different in that it was her nipple that had the misfortune of making contact with said curling iron. (Okay, now all the women are cringing.) And the kicker? This was the second time this had happened to her.

Uh yeah, two people repeating a painful scenario. Wouldn't you think you'd be more careful so it wouldn’t happen again?

I’ve heard of other bathroom horrors such as ‘trimming the bush’ with an electric razor and forgetting to change the setting where some embarrassed woman was walking around with what looked like a landing strip up the center; and another that accidentally clipped her clit (again the women are cringing…and possibly crossing their legs). But what takes the cake is the latest story I heard from my BFF.

Apparently while preparing for a romantic evening with her husband she decided to dye the hair on her head while removing the hair down under at the same time (maybe because the drapes weren’t going to match the carpet she decided to remove the carpet…ALL of the carpet). She proceeded to apply the hair dye to her head, then the Nair© to her nether region and set the timer and wait. Can you hear the Jeopardy theme in your head while you wait for me to tell you what went wrong? If not, here it is.



Did she use the wrong color dye? No. Did her husband walk in on her, ruining the moment? No. Did she accidentally reverse the two products? No. What happened is this. She stepped under the flow of warm water envisioning what would transpire that evening, ‘no children in the house, a bottle of champagne on ice and hot, hot sex’. The water, as it rinsed the dye from her hair, streamed over her body to that special place. Unfortunately some things aren’t meant to be mixed; like water and oil, stripes and polka dots and orange juice and tooth paste. As the dye, though somewhat diluted, mixed with the hair removal product it created a chemical reaction, burning her…’down there’…

…two days later when she was finally able to take the ice packs off she thought, “That really blew.” I’m guessing her husband was thinking he wish she had. At least one of them would have gotten lucky that night.

So, anyone else have a good bathroom mishap story they’d like to share? It’s okay if you say it happened to someone else…

NOTE: The contest I mentioned last week for a prize valued at around $50.00 will happen the end of this week, so stay tuned.

9 comments:

LceeL said...

I was shaving SWMBO and caught a lip in the shaver. And i ain't talking about her face.

Mrs. S. said...

OUCH!

Badass Geek said...

You mean, other than the papercut on my balls from the tag on my towel?

Well, there was the time I was doing some landscaping down yonder and got a little too close to Junior. The trimmer cut through one of the veins (yes, OUCH), and that sucker bled for about an hour before I got it to stop.

I didn't get any sympathy from my wife. She just laughed.

Moonspun said...

OH my goodness, that was a post with alot of cringing!!! I am naturally clumsy, but I am happy to say I've got no permanent scares from bathroom incidents. The hazards are one of many reasons I bring nothing sharp or chemical near my nether regions. And glad hubby likes them just as they are!

Megan said...

Ouuuuuuuuuucccch on both stories. (Well and the movie too..I still cringe when I think about that!) I have never had anything like that happen, and none of my friends have ever been brave enough to tell me stories like that..

Momisodes said...

OMG!!! At your story and Lou's!

I'm still wincing as I type this and can't think of a story.
Ouch!

Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...

I cut my lip once while shaving my bits 'n pieces. Ouch!

Lola said...

I burned my neck with my flat iron, and it was NASTY looking for two weeks.

One time, I caught my son's little beans in his zipper when he was about four. There was blood, lots of screaming and a few slaps to my head when I was trying to assess the damage.

The damn kid has always refused to wear underwear, even after the mutilation, but he learned how to zip his own pants pretty quickly.

Richard Whackman said...

This reminds me of a story I heard back in grade school. A kid got his you-know-what stuck in his zipper and the school had to call for help. The medic looked at it and said, "Looks like we'll have to cut it off." "No! NOOOOOOOOO!!", the kid cried. He didn't realize they were referring to the zipper.