Saturday, January 16, 2010

It’s Time for the Big Girl Panties…

With my flight for India leaving in less than a week I am starting to freak out. I haven’t packed yet and the problem is that I really don’t know what I’m bringing. There are still things I need to shop for, my hair needs to be dyed*, and my feet need a Pedi…these things are stressing me out, but that’s not what I’m freaking about.

The thought of being on a plane for fifteen hours straight is a bit daunting; especially by myself. Well, not really by myself, as I’m pretty sure it’s a full flight, but you know what I mean. I know I’ll read for a good part of the trip and hopefully sleep a lot, but still? I’m expecting major suckage. That aside, what I’m really thinking about (probably too much) is getting off the plane. I have to make my way through customs and baggage on my own, with a bit of a language barrier.

I know I’m a grown up and just need to put on some big girl panties, but if there is a problem it’s not like my crappy pre-paid cell phone is going to do me any good over there. Now this is not the first time I’m traveling by myself. In the past I have driven myself to the airport and flown to Orlando, Los Angeles and Seattle. In fact when I went to Orlando I actually rented a car and drove to and from Daytona on my own…without a GPS or a cell phone…and then followed it up with a visit to Epcot…by myself. So why am I so freaked now? Well, because it’s fucking India!!!

Agenda for this weekend:
  • Figure out what clothes I’m bringing, iron them and place in suitcase.
  • Whittle down the shoes and purses and sit on said suitcase so it will close.
  • Dye the dark roots blonde so I know I’ll have a good time. Hey! Blondes have more fun!
  • Soak my feet and make my toes look purdy.
  • Pluck those damn eyebrows and do a little yard work (wink, wink).
  • Buy a pair of big girl panties…at Victoria’s Secretions Secrets.
  • Oooh, and don’t forget to pack the bottle of Astroglide…wha?!?

Mantra #1: (as Rob Schneider said in ‘The Water Boy’), “You can do it!”
Mantra #2: “Suck it up!”

Paul, I can’t wait to see you…but if you bring up Mantra #2, I’ll say, “Good try, but uhm-a-no.” If you come back with Mantra #1, I’ll point out that I do not have a red dot on my forehead, and even if I did it is not a push to start button…nor is it a scratch off and you will not win a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts**.

*My favorite line from the old Dick Van Dyke Show is when Buddy asked Sally why she dyes her roots dark when she has such lovely blond hair.

**I understand this is not quite PC, but I’m just a pube hair shy of being 100% Polish. If I can take a joke or ton about my heritage, deal with it.


Meg said...

Hahaha Astroglide! Too funny! I hope you have a good trip. Don't bother ironing your clothes, they're just gonna get wrinkled again anyway...if not in the suitcase, then from the humidity in India.

I'm so jealous. I would love to go somewhere like that!

Badass Geek said...

That last joke? I LOVE IT.

Good luck and save travels!

Evansmom said...

Have a great time!

Jenny Grace said...

Flight advice: Drink. Nyquil maybe. And drink. Because MY GOD the time goes quickly when you're sleeping for most of the flight (speaking with a couple 30 hour flights to and from South Africa under my belt - DRINK)

Unknown said...


One pube?

If I didn't know better, I could swear you've got the McNasty on your mind.

Anonymous said...

Me thinks you thinks you might be getting some in India....some uh....hugs from hubby...

Momisodes said...

Wow! That is quite a trip planned. I'm sure it will all be fine though. You are a trooper. Wishing you safe travels!

Aunt Juicebox said...

Don't forget a roll of tp.

Nej said...

13 hours to Korea wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The movies they played were horrible...but I had books, magazines, and wine to make it less painful. :-)