It’s Time for the Big Girl Panties…

With my flight for India leaving in less than a week I am starting to freak out. I haven’t packed yet and the problem is that I really don’t know what I’m bringing. There are still things I need to shop for, my hair needs to be dyed*, and my feet need a Pedi…these things are stressing me out, but that’s not what I’m freaking about.

The thought of being on a plane for fifteen hours straight is a bit daunting; especially by myself. Well, not really by myself, as I’m pretty sure it’s a full flight, but you know what I mean. I know I’ll read for a good part of the trip and hopefully sleep a lot, but still? I’m expecting major suckage. That aside, what I’m really thinking about (probably too much) is getting off the plane. I have to make my way through customs and baggage on my own, with a bit of a language barrier.

I know I’m a grown up and just need to put on some big girl panties, but if there is a problem it’s not like my crappy pre-paid cell phone is going to do me any good over there. Now this is not the first time I’m traveling by myself. In the past I have driven myself to the airport and flown to Orlando, Los Angeles and Seattle. In fact when I went to Orlando I actually rented a car and drove to and from Daytona on my own…without a GPS or a cell phone…and then followed it up with a visit to Epcot…by myself. So why am I so freaked now? Well, because it’s fucking India!!!

Agenda for this weekend:

• Figure out what clothes I’m bringing, iron them and place in suitcase.

• Whittle down the shoes and purses and sit on said suitcase so it will close.

• Dye the dark roots blonde so I know I’ll have a good time. Hey! Blondes have more fun!

• Soak my feet and make my toes look purdy.

• Pluck those damn eyebrows and do a little yard work (wink, wink).

• Buy a pair of big girl panties…at Victoria’s Secretions Secrets.

• Oooh, and don’t forget to pack the bottle of Astroglide…wha?!?

Mantra #1: (as Rob Schneider said in ‘The Water Boy’), “You can do it!”
Mantra #2: “Suck it up!”

Paul, I can’t wait to see you…but if you bring up Mantra #2, I’ll say, “Good try, but uhm-a-no.” If you come back with Mantra #1, I’ll point out that I do not have a red dot on my forehead, and even if I did it is not a push to start button…nor is it a scratch off and you will not win a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts**.


*My favorite line from the old Dick Van Dyke Show is when Buddy asked Sally why she dyes her roots dark when she has such lovely blond hair.

**I understand this is not quite PC, but I’m just a pube hair shy of being 100% Polish. If I can take a joke or ton about my heritage, deal with it.