Tuesday, June 30, 2009

More Druid Porn...

Adding to my library of found porn posts I have this gem sent to me by my BFF. She was hiking in the Smokey Mountains last week and thought of me. Her daughters, mother, sister and nieces thought it was odd when she insisted on stopping to take pictures of a tree. This tree.



Hmm, what do we have here?


I’m thinking it’s found porn, what would you call it? Perhaps:

Baby Factory
Beaver
Bearded Clam
Bits and Pieces
Bojingo
Box
Cha Cha
Coin Slot
Cooch
Coochie
Cooter
Furburger
Goodies
Honey Spot
Hooha
Hot Pocket
Indoor Picnic
Juice Box
Kitty
Lady Business
Lady Garden
Lala
Love Oasis
Muff
Na Na (Hey wait; my grandkids call me Nana!?!)
Punani
Pussy
Snatch
Spasm Chasm
Twat
Vajayjay
Velvet Curtain
Vertical Smile
Wholesome Goodness
Yum Yum

So, what would you call ‘it’?

Monday, June 29, 2009

This Is Not Another Michael Jackson Post…

…well maybe just a little, BUT DON’T LEAVE!

The passing of Michael Jackson has been dominant in the media of late. Some take his passing with a grain of salt and others are truly mourning. I believe he was a truly talented individual who paved his own, if questionable, path.

It’s been said that imitation is the best form of flattery and in my mind that includes parodies. There have been several done by Weird Al Yankovic, but have you seen this one by Joe Piscopo?


Sunday, June 28, 2009

Fourteen Years...

On this 28th day of June, 2009, I mark the fourteenth anniversary of marriage to my oblivious amazing husband and my daughter’s 27th birthday. I’ll wait while you do the math…that’s right, we got married the day she turned 13; and that’s not all. My son turned 16 a few months later. AWESOME! A man who had never been married before jumped off the deep end into the cesspool that is raising teenagers. SUCKER!

Just a mere six months prior to our wedding you could define our relationship as acquaintances. We knew each other through an old ex of mine, but as fate would have it we ended up ’on our first date’.

One thing led to another and here we are fourteen years later. Paul may have a Master’s Degree in Biology, but today we celebrate 14 years of his lack of any common sense.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, I present a pictorial of our wedding in Jamaica. Please try to refrain from making fun of my hairstyle and the cumulus cloud-like appendages flowing from my shoulders because I had it goin’ on! Shut up, I did.


First, the wedding card he gave me (See, I knew he was a keeper).



Though a beach wedding was planned we opted for a small tropical alcove to keep from melting in the Jamaican heat. The resort provided a minister from the Salvation Army and our witnesses. Denise was my maid of honor and Steve was the best man. Steve may or may not be to blame for my husband actually following through as he fed him a shot or four before the ceremony; apparently Paul looked nervous to him.



Here I am signing the marriage license. “Is this legal in the U.S.?...No, really is it?”



A toast with our new friends…”Thank you, Steve, for getting him shnockered!”


Here we are slicing the resort provided traditional wedding cake of rum and fruit. Somewhat reminiscent of fruitcake, but surprisingly good…must have been the rum!


‘Dum dum de dum….walking down the aisle sidewalk. What, no rice or birdseed or ganja being tossed our way?




Oh, and a shout out to my Fraughter, Happy Birthday!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Peeping Thomasina...

Though I can lean toward being an exhibitionist at times, I try not to expose any unwilling bystanders, with one exception.

That being said, I know when I don’t want to be seen, even by myself (i.e. in a changing room with fluorescent lighting and three-way mirrors). What I choose to do on a beach in a foreign country or on the big WWW is one thing, what I do in the privacy of my home is another. I am fully aware that if it’s dark outside and the lights are on in my home I should close the blinds. I was not aware that leaving said window accoutrements at half mast during the day would draw attention, especially the attention of a female neighbor.

The window to my master bedroom is adjacent to her spare bedroom. In the seven plus years we have lived here I have never seen the blinds on her side open…Ever. Imagine my surprise when I looked up after exiting the shower last weekend to see a gap between the slats. A very large and noticeable gap, with a face pressed against it.




What would you do? Because my reaction was to do what I normally would when encountering a neighbor. I smiled and waved.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Because She Asked For It...

A couple of months ago was the first, of I hope many, of my Found Porn posts. Apparently the title, Druid Porn has brought a few folks my way. (Silly, silly tree perverts people).



One of the comments from that post has had my creative juices a flowin’.



Here She is in au natural splendor…



…and now, with only the first of many ‘accessories’ to come, I present...

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day 2009...

I know it’s a tad late in the day for a Father’s Day post but I wanted to put this out there in honor of my husband. When we married, almost 14 years ago, he not only started his life as a husband, but that as a first time father…to two teenagers.

Being a parent is not always easy; becoming a parent to teenagers, overnight, can be a bit daunting. Many would feel intimidated at the thought, but not him. He didn’t take on the role, per se, because that word ‘role’ just doesn’t fit what he did. He didn’t play the part of being a father, he became their father. I can say that my, no our, children love him beyond words, as I do.

As you may or may not know he travels quite a bit for his job and takes advantage of the photo opportunities available to him. He’s been working on a photography website which I will share it in the near future. In the meantime here are a few of his photographs.


















Happy Father’s Day.

Friday, June 19, 2009

For A Good Cause...

Not that long ago I asked for prayers and good thoughts to be sent my father-in-law’s way. He has been waiting for a heart for over a year. Though we pray for one so he can continue his life, we know someone will lose their life to make this possible. It is sad, but true.

Hallie of the ‘Wonderful World of Wieners’ knows what we’re feeling; her dad got a new heart six years ago. She currently has a fundraiser going on to raise money on behalf of The United Network for Organ Sharing. She is looking for either prizes for the raffle or monetary donations. Donations are tax deductible and will get you tickets for the raffle, which consists of 25 prize packages totally $3,000.00 to date.

She has had several posts about the fundraiser but the one that really struck a chord with me is this one.

If you can donate or contribute a prize please know that it is for a good cause and would be greatly appreciated. What kind of prizes? Here’s what Hallie asked for:

*If you're an artist, might you donate a piece of your art?
*If you're a crafter, might you donate a handmade craft?
*If you're an author, might you donate a copy of your book?
*If you're a photographer, might you donate a picture?
*If you're a blogger that reviews products all the time, might you donate one or two of those items?
*If you work for a company that makes a cool product, might you ask them to donate one?
*If you aren't crafty AT ALL, (like me...sigh) might you consider buying something to add? A gift card, a cool "whatever" or a unique "must have?"

Get the idea? If you knit, stamp, macrame, paint, photograph, make jewelry, design anything, have a store you might like to draw attention to, whittle, etc.....would you consider tossing something into the mix?




…one last thing, are you an organ donor?

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Tin Man Porn...

Last weekend we were at Oz Park in Chicago and who do we run into but the Tin Man.

As the story goes he asked the Wizard for a heart; and looky here, wish granted. He’s got a hard heart on. But apparently his oil can is empty because he’s looking a bit ‘stiff’.




Though he is formally called the Tin Woodman, the Tin Man with Wood seems more appropriate.


More found porn here:
Druid Porn
Rock Hard Porn

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I Guess I Am...

A couple of weeks ago my husband called me an exhibitionist. It all started when I asked him to take a picture of my ass through the dryer door for a blog contest. He did end up taking the picture and you can see it on this post.

Though I disagreed with him I guess I really must be an exhibitionist. Not only is there a picture of my ass hanging out there on the internet, now my ‘twins’ are too. Check out the new boobalicious site Boob Emancipation.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Chicago Area Pre BlogHer Meet-Up...

BlogHer ‘09 is fast approaching and while excited to be attending, there has been a part of me questioning whether I should be. Inside my head is this tiny pendulum swaying back and forth.

I’ll feel out of place.
You live here…and can crawl home if need be.

Who would want to meet me?
You can meet other bloggers you read in addition to new ones.

I’m blogtarded and techno-challenged.
You’ll learn something.

I’m fine in the confines of my comfort zone.
You won’t grow if you don’t take a chance.


Well, this past weekend clinched it. I met up with some other bloggers from the area at Oz Park, located on Chicago’s north side. It was a cozy group; I’m sure some that were planning on coming weren’t able to as the date had been changed due to inclement weather.

There were seasoned veterans and some not as much; two gals showed up that are thinking of starting a blog in conjunction with a new business; and my favorite bloggy friend Lou was there. Meeting some of these veterans: a food blogger; a former TV Producer turned world traveler; a TV Personality; and one of the BlogHer Community Managers would normally intimidate me but it didn’t. Why? Because when it comes down to it we’re all just people…and we have something in common. The common factor, whatever the reason, is that we blog.

I want to give a shout out to Jamie for getting us together. Girl, you rock and I hope to see you again at the conference, if not before.

Here are a few photos from the day. Not everyone is pictured as some needed to leave and others came later. You can see more, along with some video clips here. To view the videos you’ll need to scroll down to the first comment and click on each one.











BlogHer ’09 and the City of Chicago look out!

Monday, June 15, 2009

And The Goodies Go To...

A few days ago marked my One Year Blogiversary. It was quite the Par-tay, let me tell you. There was Chicago style deep dish pizza and beer. The music was pumping and the stereo was turned up to eleven. Yes quite the party indeed…did I mention it was a party of one? Hey, don’t judge, because I’m pretty sure there are quite a few bloggers out there that celebrate these milestones on their own. What I mean is you feel the love from your readers, but in the real world you’re more likely to get, “Wha? Uh that’s great.” or “Oh yeah, I forgot you do that blogging thing.” So yes, it was me and some beer and my laptop that evening.

You may recall I had a Give-A-Way going on that day and I was supposed to post the winner this morning. Seeing that a few of you were checking in periodically, I apologize. Now, without further delay, the winning comment number:



The third comment was from Selma of Selma in the City. Selma, send me an email with your mailing information; in the meantime I’ll be calculating postage from here to Sydney Australia.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Happy Blogiversary....

…to me.

Showing my age, but I’ve got the ‘Happy Anniversary’ song from The Flintstones stuck in my head. What? You’re waaaay younger than me and don’t know what I’m referring to? What. Ev. Er. Here it is:



Yes, I’ve been blogging for a mere year and I’m still a newbie but I’m coming along. So, with all my happy, happy, joy, joy feelings I’m doing a Give-A-Way!

What? You’re waaaay younger than me and don’t know what I’m referring to? What. Ev. Er. Here it is:



Okay, back to the Give-A-Way. No contest. No work on your part; just me giving one of you something for free a comment. That’s it, just leave me a comment. You can tell me what your favorite post was. You can tell me how you happened upon my blog. You can just say ‘hello’ or tell me I’ve been here a year too long. First time here, doesn’t matter, just give a shout out. And if you’re one of those creepy shy lurkers, it’s your chance to come out of the woodwork. It doesn’t matter what you comment, just comment because that’s your raffle ticket chance to win this:




It’s an urban renewal tote with:
4 oz. organic body lotion with vitamin C
4 oz. botanical green tea body wash
6 oz. Himalayan blend soaking salts
Green tea & tea tree oil cleansing wipes
Natural glycerin soap
Soft bamboo fiber bath sponge

Oh, wait all you he-men, I didn’t leave you out. Though you could give the lovely lady in your life this great bag of goodies, I’m also including an Aluminum LED Flashlight. No, I didn’t take a picture of it because in my anal consciousness I couldn’t take a befitting picture like I did of the other prize. See how the tote and goodies look all spa-like spread out on my shower floor? Had I taken a picture of the flashlight it would have been in the garage on top of the Craftsman tool chest, however it was very dusty and covered in guy crap and I wasn’t going there. So, back to what I said before: What. Ev. Er. Just know there is a prize for both species sexes.

Want to win, leave me a comment. You’ve got a couple of days to do so before I use that random thingy to pick a winner for me. How many days? How about Sunday, yeah Sunday. You have until I wake up on Sunday to come out of the woodwork, blow kisses, tell me I suck or What. Ev. Er. Just leave a comment.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Rock Hard Porn...

So I did a post a month ago about what I considered ‘found porn’. You know, images that seem innocent but when you take a second look you see something else…something a little pornographic?

The picture I posted last month, which you can see here is an obvious example. On a side note: I’ve been getting hits on my blog with the name of that post which was ‘Druid Porn’. Why? Because people out there are actually Googling ‘Druid Porn’. Damn Tree Freaks.

Whatever, to each there own but back to this post. My husband was recently traveling in Utah, and as he’s prone to do, took a ton of photographs. As he was showing me some of them, one just jumped out at me.

He (the photograph) said, “Check me out.” What? You didn’t know that non human subjects in pictures are male or female? Well they are. It’s similar to the whole el and la thing going on with the Spanish language. Don’t question it, it just is.


Anyhoo back to the photograph; it reminded me of The Thing from The Fantastic Four, except this view is from the back side.


Do you see it? The legs spread with huge calf muscles leading up to the knees and then muscular thighs and buttocks ending at the waist. Tell me I’m not the only one and you see it too. Just take another look.




Okay, either…you see it or you don’t. I’m just going to assume you do and will now point out that there is a definite butt crack in that set of buttocks. Yeah, found porn.

On a side note: This formation is located in a state where the majority of its residents are Mormon (read: anti-gay) and even though there are numerous other images they could have put on their license plates, they chose this one (read: Utah needs a new PR Rep.).





Just sayin’.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I Am Not...

Him: “Yes, you are.”

Me: “No, I’m really not.”

Him: “You are too!”


This is the conversation that transpired between me and my better half about a week ago. You see, there was this contest; a blog contest that I really wanted to participate in. Moonspun from Moonspun Spins will be celebrating her 400th post this week. (400 posts! If you haven’t already, go check her out ‘cause I got the bloggy love for her), and ran a contest asking people to submit something (i.e. a poem, dirty joke, paragraph, picture) showing what the name ‘moonspun’ means to them.

Anyhoo, back to the beginning of that conversation which took place about five minutes after he walked through the door after being out of town for a week.

Me: “I need you to take a picture of my ass through the dryer door.”

Him: “What?”

Me: “There’s this blog contest where I have to send something that means Moonspun. So I was thinking moon = ass and spun = the dryer.”

Him: “Uh yeah…no.”

Me: “No really, I HAVE TO DO THIS!”

Him: “You are an exhibitionist.”

Me: “No, I’m not.”


He then asked me who’s idea it was to partake of the au natural splendor of the nudist beach in Jamaica where we got married. I admit it was my idea, butt it’s not like you’re ever going to ‘see’ those people again.


He reminded me that I’m the one who’ll say, “Let’s go skinny dipping!” Butt it’s dark outside, no one can see us.


He then brought up this photo:




Yeah, butt then I had to bring up that I actually had panties on butt he was the one who PhotoShopped them off of me so that wasn’t a valid point.


He finally caved and took the picture of my butt ass through the dryer door with some miscellaneous clothing around me and then use his wicked PhotoShopping skillz to cut and paste it onto a picture of our dryer to come up with the rear end result:





Me: “See, it’s funny.”

Him: “Whatever.”

Larry the Cable Guy: “I don’t care who you are, that’s funny.”

Me: “See, I told you so.”

Him: “And whose ass is on the internet? You’re an exhibitionist.”

Me: “Butt I'm not!”

Friday, June 5, 2009

Lazy Post...

…and a repost.

I check my Stat Counter on occasion and the one thing I see over and over again is people looking for the recipe for Apple Pie Shots. Now I’m cheap frugal so I take what I can get from my counter without paying, which is 500 entries. As you can see below over 46% of the recent searches has brought someone to my blog via a search for an Apple Pie Shot recipe. I get some other ‘play’, but most of it is varied searches for this recipe.



On a side, I happened to check said counter around New Year’s and let me tell you, people wanted this recipe. I had well over a hundred hits on New Year’s Eve alone.

Without further ado, the recipe again.

Let’s take a look at the culprits:

We have one gallon of apple cider, one half gallon of apple juice, ten cinnamon sticks, 2 ¾ cups of sugar and 3 ½ cups of Everclear (grain alcohol).




First pour one gallon of apple cider into a large pot.




Next add one half gallon of apple juice.




Put ten sticks of cinnamon in pot.




Place on stovetop and bring to a boil. Boil for 15 minutes.




After fifteen minutes, turn off heat and add 2 ¾ cups of sugar and stir.




Let cool completely, remove cinnamon sticks and add 3 ½ cups of Everclear (grain alcohol).




Have ready enough glass bottles for approximately one and a half gallons.




Distribute amongst several bottles.




Keep chilled in refrigerator. Shake before serving and enjoy.





Apple Pie Shots
1 Gallon Apple Cider
½ Gallon Apple Juice
10 Cinnamon Sticks
2 ¾ Cups Sugar
3 ½ Cups Everclear (Grain Alcohol)

Combine first three ingredients in large pot and boil for 15 minutes.
Remove from heat and stir in 2 ¾ cups of sugar.
Let cool completely. Remove cinnamon sticks and add 3 ½ cups of Everclear.
Pour into glass bottles and store in refrigerator.
Shake before serving.


So now that you have some apple pie, you just need Baseball, hot dogs, and Chevrolet. Okay, if you got that, you’re old like me!

Note: Because this drink does contain grain alcohol, it is meant to be sipped and not chugged, slammed, gulped...you get my drift.